The loss and a promise that changed EVERYTHING
I then went through the unbearable loss of my daughter, Ngākau Raiona (lioness heart in Māori), 21 weeks into pregnancy. Whispering a promise to her after the devastating scan that revealed a birth defect incompatible with life after birth,
“I’m here with you baby. I’m not going to leave you, no matter what. I love you.”
My gift of presence to her ended up being her greatest gift to me. Through her death, stillbirth and woodland burial, I have never been more present in my entire life.
I discovered that being present with death and grief did not make my heartbreak worse. Instead, it revealed the truth of the depth of feelings that I can hold. The beauty in the impermanence of everything. How joy and heartbreak can co-exist. Opening my heart up to more life, love and meaning - and presence, no matter what.