4 end of life essentials you need to get sorted now
Photo by Melissa Gimpel on Unsplash
If you were dying or if you died tomorrow, would the people who you love know exactly what you want?
Many of us avoid the topic of end of life and death. Particularly of us who haven’t reached retirement age. But here’s the truth. We are leaving ourselves and our family open to risk, added stress and upset if we don’t get some end of life planning essentials in place. Plus missing out on the unexpected clarity, peace and joy that that having these can bring to us now.
My full disclosure before I share these 4 essentials? I’m still in the process of sorting these myself. Committed to ticking them all off the list this year - and sharing my updates with you through my Death on the Daily podcast. Plus it’s important to note that I am not a legal or a healthcare professional, so make sure you research local process & legalities, plus seek professional advice.
1. Create a lasting power of attorney
Imagine you’re in an accident or facing an illness that leaves you unable to speak for yourself. Who will speak for you and make decisions on your behalf? Do they know your wishes?
This is where a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) comes in. In England and Wales, this is a legal document that lets you appoint someone you trust to make decisions about your health, care, and finances if you're ever unable to.
There are two types:
Health and Welfare LPA
Property and Financial Affairs LPA
You can choose one or both, and you can appoint more than one person to act on your behalf. It’s important to note that it takes 8–10 weeks to register, so this isn’t something to leave until you’re already in crisis.
And here's the uncomfortable truth that many don’t know… If you don’t put this in place, your loved ones might not automatically have the right to make decisions for you.
For example, while spouses and civil partners are legally seen as each others next of kin. Cohabiting couples might not have the same status legally to be that point of contact and consulted on behalf of their loved ones.
But it’s important to note for couples like myself who are married or in a civil partnership, that next of kin does not grant you the legal right to consent or refuse treatment on a patient’s behalf. Plus not having a LPA might mean you are not able to access bank accounts, or to make changes to bills in their name.
It’s important to check out the legal process and detail where you are located. For those in England & Wales like me, here is the government website with all of the detail that you need.
2. Making an Advance Care Plan
An advance care plan (also known as an advance statement) sets out your wishes for how you want to be treated and what matters most to you at the end of your life.
This could include:
The type of care that you do or don’t want
Spiritual or religious practices you'd like to be honoured
Who you want by your side (and who you don’t)
Do you want to be at home, or in a hospital
Even down to the beautiful details of your favourite bedding, scents, food and drink (if you’re able to taste them), music, silence, nature, massage, pets sleeping on the bed…
This is your chance to set out what you know will really matters to you. Not just on a practical level, but on an emotional, creative, somatic and spiritual level too. It’s important to note that a bit like a birth plan, some circumstances will mean parts of your plan won’t be possible. But writing down these wishes, talking to your family, chosen family or friends about them and then making sure that they know where they can find them is such a gift. Taking away the guessing if you can’t speak, making sure that they can put the ask in for as many of these as possible, making sure that last chapter can be so meaningful for all.
I have personally loved the creativity of this process, which I did whilst doing my End of Life Doula studies. As Death Doula, Tree Carr, shared on my Death on the Daily podcast; this process also helps to shine a light on what matters the most to us in life now. If you set out your end of life wishes, and realise that some of those beloved people, activities and things are not enough in your life now. Then there is no time like the present to bring more of them in!
It’s important to note that in order to reduce a specific type of medical treatment, you will also need to set up a legally binding document called Advance Decision, also known as a living will.
3. Writing your will
The one we all know we should get sorted. Yet so many of us avoid…
Your will is where you legally state who should receive what after you die. This includes money, property, sentimental possessions even pets. Plus crucially is where you can name guardians if you have children.
Without a will, your estate is distributed according to the rules of what’s called intestacy. Which follows local laws rather than your wishes. I have definitely been avoiding my will (along with lasting power of attorney) for years. So am making my commitment to get these sorted this year!
My Death on the Daily podcast is all about us talking about death. So I’m not just going to be writing my will with legal support. I’m going to make sure that I communicate about it to my family. Making sure that they know where it is, who the executors are who will be carrying out its instructions, and what my plans are. So there are no surprises or upsets.
4. Share your funeral wishes
Planning your final goodbye… Might sound morbid. But stick with me, because in my experience it can be curiously joyful.
Much like your advanced care plan, this is where you can get creative and pour all of you into it. I’m so passionate about this one, believing it to be one of the greatest gifts that we can leave our loved ones. Because in the rawness of the shock of grief, it is a LOT to then organise a funeral. With the added pressure of, “I hope I’m making choices that they would have liked…”
I would encourage creativity and connection for this one. I also did this whilst training as an End of Life Doula. The conversation with my doula peers so beautiful as we inspired each other with our gorgeous goodbyes.
Ask yourself, what kind of goodbye do I want? Is it an earthy woodland burial? A pub knees-up? Bagpipes? Beyoncé? Heavy metal? For me, it’s definitely back into the Earth in a woodland burial, at the same beautiful burial spot where our daughter lies. With a basic recycled materials coffin to minimise the impact. Plus no bought flowers, just beautiful gifts of nature that are gathered from local surroundings.
You don’t have to have every detail sorted, but putting your truest creative expression for your funeral on paper, gives your loved ones something to work with in a moment when decision fatigue, grief and shock are very real. Plus helping to minimise any arguments between family members or friends about what you would really want.
The surprising part? This process can invites creativity, reflection, even a little bit of playful joy. It’s a chance to curate the final celebration of your life - in your voice, your vibe, your way.
Final thoughts
With 2 out of 4 of these ticked off my list, I definitely have more work to do here. If you want to join me, my advice would be:
Take it step by step with grace and compassion. In a society where we don’t talk about death enough, these topics can bring up a lot.
Keep coming back to it if there is avoidance - and see who you can bring along on the journey in friends and family where you sit and create these together.
Make this a living document. Just as we change, so too should these documents. Update your advanced care and funeral wishes as you evolve. And make sure that those legal documents are updated as soon as there’s a change in your life.
Don’t keep it a secret! Make sure people know what’s most important to you.
And remember. These are ultimately acts of care and love to you and those who you love the most.
My podcast Death on the Daily brings you twice weekly real talk about death & grief. With deeply human stories and practical tips to help you to connect into death, and discover what it can teach you about living life well!